Saturday, 26 July 2014



Where I’m from, 10million Naira is a lot of money. But after my Gulder Ultimate Search experience, I have come to believe that it is a LOT MORE money where some other people are from. I mean, I used to think
I desperately needed money and fame, but there are thousands of people who need it more desperately.

I’ve been registering for the GUS show since I became eligible in the 3rd season, and they’ve been inviting me for the screening, but something always came up. This year though, there was no reasonable excuse because of the ASUU Strike.

Right now, as I type this piece from my bed, in pains, I wish I was reasonable enough to stay at home.I thought I had muscles, until I got to the Samuel Ogbemudia Stadium on the 28th of August 2013 and then I knew my Tall Fat body has been deceiving me. See crowd; crowd of bouncers and practising athletes. If not for the fact that I actually travelled all the way to Benin for the screening I would have turned back.

Well, that and the fact that I have a big ego. Anyways, I went in, changed into my sport kits and sat down on the pitch like others, awaiting my turn on the marathon.So many things look very easy on TV.

You see people doing it and you say, “piece of cake, I can do this too”.Well, news flash guys; competitive MARATHONS are deadly. Especially if you’ve been sitting at home doing nothing but eat, sleep, read, write and get fat, like I’d been doing.

Each group ran in 20s and depending on how competitive they are, everyone in a group could proceed to the next stage. Sometimes though, the slowest ones were dropped. The aim was just to see how fit everyone was. Coming first didn’t matter. But coming last could.

Anyways, when others were running I was laughing at those who were far behind. I called them lazy goats. If they couldn’t run ordinary 2 laps – 800meters, why register for Gulder Ultimate Search? Well, my turn was coming. And finally, it came.When the whistle went off, I hustled my way to the front. I was leading. I felt fly. All these kids aint got nothing on me.

Well, when we rounded the first bend, I decided to slow down a bit. I mean, what’s the rush?One person passed me, then two, then three, then …. After the first lap I was in the tenth position. By the time we got to 500meters I’d lost count of all the people who had passed me. After running about 600meters, I started hearing angels singing the Hallelujah Chorus. Brethren I was dying.

Then a voice started asking me to just stop and lie down for a while, just a little while. The wonderful voice told me it wasn't a do or die affair, I should just stop and crawl away from it all. I paused a little, looked back, saw four guys far behind me, muttered ‘hope dey’ and trudged on.

One of them eventually passed me before we got to the finish line. I barely made it because the last three guys behind me were evicted from the competition.

The next drill was ‘squats’: Deadly squats. The first set was stopped after 3mins, 20 seconds. You need to see people’s legs dancing makosa. I couldn’t even
laugh my head off because I was too tired from the marathon and I knew it was going to be my turn soon.I mean, some people who topped their group in the marathon couldn’t do the squat. How could I that came 17th do it? How?

See how people were collapsing and screaming Jesus’ name up and down… my mind cut. Well, my turn finally came – the last set. They put the girls in front and put us behind them. The whistle went off and we squatted. It wasn't so bad at first. Till we hit two minutes. I thought it was a joke when my legs started vibrating.

My legs have never vibrated like that before. I started thinking about very abstract things: thermodynamics, bole, roasted fish, Tonto Dike’s music and finally ......................

Really funny Experience right??? This was just the beginning.
Join me tomorrow as I Unleash the Part 2 of this wonderful Journey. DONT MISS IT!!!



  1. AnonymousJuly 26, 2014

    Hahahahahaha, this is so fuckin crazy!!! Cant wait for the concluding part

  2. AnonymousJuly 26, 2014

    *rotl* this is really hilarious!!!

  3. This is so hilarious, keeping ma fingers crossed for the concluding part. Mehn! All in d name of fame and riches


DISCLAIMER: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the comment writers alone and does not reflect or represent the views of Alex Enoyore.